Change Yourself

Marriage is one of the most beautiful relationships but it can also be one of the hardest. My husband Jonathan and I have been married for 16 ½ years and are still going strong. We have had many ups and downs in these years but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

If I could give wives one piece of advice, I would tell them to focus on changing themselves. “Wait! What? Change me? Why? He is the problem!” This is the response so many women have given over the years, myself included. It wasn’t until I realized that I was the problem that things began to change.

One of the ways I continue to grow and change is by reading books. I choose to read books that challenge me in my marriage. There are many great books out there. One of my goals this year is to read 6-8 marriage books. (Read about my 2017 goals in this post)

These are five of the books that have been helpful to me these past couple years. Under each one, I will share a snippet of what has been helpful for me. My purpose is to encourage you and help you grow in your marriage. Hopefully, this post will guide you to a book that will help your marriage thrive.

1. Fierce Women

The author of this book is Kimberly Wagner. She wasonen of the speakers on Focus on the Family. I wanted to hear more from her, so I looked into this book. The subtitle of this book is The Power of a Soft Warrior. Kimberly explains that when we are beautifully fierce, we are tempered by humility. There is a difference between being a beautifully fierce and a destructive fierce women. This book helped me to see the ways I was being destructive with my words and attitude. It was very eye-opening and challenging for me.

2. 31 Days to Happy Husband

It can happen! In thirty one days your marriage can be different. In this book, Arlene Pellicane talks about what a man needs most from his wife. It is broken into five categories that use the acronym D.R.E.A.M. I really enjoyed how easy this book was to read. At the end of each day, there was a section called “Nurture Today.” It consisted of action steps to do that day from what I read. This was so helpful! One of my biggest take away from this book was the need to be in the habit of kissing Jonathan at least 30 seconds a day. (Read about my 2017 Habits here.)

3. The Husband Project

When I first heard the title of this book, I really wondered what it was all about. I soon learned that it was a project that would take 21 days. I asked a few friends to join me so we could hold each other accountable. The book is filled with lots of great ideas of how to love your husband. My biggest take away from this book was my need to be intentional. Every day, I want to make sure I am showing love to Jonathan in a way that is meaningful to him.

4. 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband

I picked up this book a few years ago. The subtitle of this book is How to Put a Smile on His Face. It is broken down into 52 Wows. The idea is to implement one ‘wow’ a week for the year. The one that stood out to me the most was Wow: Small Things. It reminded me of the importance of caring about the small things that are important to Jonathan.

5. The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages

Last year at the Hearts at Home conference, Shaunti Feldhahn led a workshop that I attended. It was life-changing for me. I picked up this book soon after the conference because I knew I could glean so much. One of the biggest takeaways from this book was the need to believe the best of Jonathan. Shaunti encouraged us to become fully convinced subconsciously and consciously that our spouse wants the best even when he does something that hurts, frustrates, bewilders or angers you.

Hopefully, this post encourages you to grow in your marriage. There are so many helpful resources available for us. Do you enjoy reading marriage books? If so, what books have you read that have been helpful? Please feel free to share in the comments below.

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