No More Perfect Kids – Hearts at Home #3

The first workshop I attended at the Hearts for Home conference was called No More Perfect Kids hosted by Jill Savage. It was powerful and I learned so much. Jill first addressed that it is so important for us to connect with our children. Each day our kids ask us 7 questions:

1. Do you like me?
   2. Am I important to you? – more than your phone, etc.
   3. Is it okay I’m unique?
   4. Who am I?
   5. Am I a failure?
   6. What’s my purpose?
   7. Will you help me change?

After hearing these questions, I was challenged and convicted. Do my kids know that I like them? Of course, I love them, but do my actions communicate that I like them? Do I act too annoyed with their less than stellar behavior which communicates to them that I don’t like them? Wow, these questions make me think. How do I answer these every day to my kids?

Perfection Infection

Jill also addressed what is called “perfection infection.” She explained it as having unrealistic expectations and then comparing ourselves and/or our kids to others. She reminded us that we need to desire progress, not perfection. (From ourselves, kids, spouse)

Jill then shared 4 antidotes of perfection infection – CLAP. They are Compassion, Love, Acceptance, and Perception. I will share a few quick notes on each.

Compassion – Ephesians. 4:32

Listening with empathy builds up trust – slow down and really connect with your kids – connect with the emotions. Compassion is a choice. Help your kids to feel valued Here are 3 ways to increase compassion that Jill shared:

1. Focus on feelings, not a solution
   2. Look at the situation from your child’s perspective
   3. Respond with an empathetic statement – tell me more

Love -1 Corinthians 16:14

Love is part emotion and part commitment. Unconditional love is hope blended into the pattern of life.  Here are 3 steps to keep your love on:

1. Pause- remove yourself from the room
   2. Ponder- sometimes we make a mountain out of a molehill- is this a big deal?
   3. Proceed – give correction in love and self-control – use words of life and acceptance – Romans 15:7

Every human has a inner need to be belong, especially from our parents.
Our kids need to know they belong to us no matter what. Here are 4 ways to be more accepting that Jill shared:

1. Watch your thought life – judgmental of self or others- will be judgmental of herself
   2. Be careful of black and white thinking
   3. Look for the positive
   4. Resist the urge to compare

Perception– proverbs 4:25
Be in tune with your kids. What do they like? What do they dislike? Do they need alone time? See your kids as an individual. The more perceptive you are of your kids the more you love them. Jill shared 4 ways to increase perception:

1. Think
2. Engage- ask questions

3. Deal with the emotion driving the behavior
4. Let kids come to their own conclusions. If we jump into quickly we think for our kids. Wait and listen.

This information and more can be found in Jill’s book called “No More Perfect Kids.” I am very excited to read this book. I am thankful for all I learned in this workshop. Hopefully, you learned some things from this blog post.

*Originally posted 3/30/14